Wednesday, November 7, 2007

Machoismo at it's finest.

You know how so many gyms are opened up in old, closed down grocery stores?

And you know how everyone who works at Publix are so friendly and helpful?

Well, I got a new gym membership at used-to-be-a-grocery-store gym on Saturday and right from the beginning every single one of the all-male (from what I've gathered) staff is so friendly and's as if when they closed the grocery store, they offered all of the stock boys jobs as personal trainers! ("Hooray!" They screamed "we don't even have to empty out our lockers!")

Seriously, I've been in there three times and everyone is always all smiles, welcoming me back, helping me with equipment, keeping me from passing out (thats another story that I'm sure I'll get to when the test results are in). And not in a "Hey lady, you're lookin' fine in with your spandex on and you mascera dripping down your face" sort of way. But in a genuine "this is my job, and I thouroughly enjoy helping people get fit" sort of way.

Or so I thought.

Jeff, my boyfriend, is not a gym going fellow. He is a very serious, very talented runner. He'd much rather run outside in the crisp evening air then in a hot, steamy, used-to-be-a-grocery-store gym. Plus, he has some negative opinions about gyms (or, more importantly, the type of people who work there). However, used-to-be-a-grocery-store gym has many amazing features. One of which is two cardio theater rooms. These are small rooms that have about 10 different cardio machines which you run on in complete darkness...except for the giant theater screen on the front wall. One plays fox news and one plays espn.
Personally, I can't think of two stations I'd want to watch less than fox news and espn, (seriously, I actually flipped through all of the chanels find something I'd hate to watch more, and couldn't) but Jeff, being a guy, loves espn. And as I mentioned above, also loves running.
So I convinced him to come to the gym with me tonight. I got a few "VIP" cards with my membership that let my friends visit the gym for free. Now, I know the heart and soul of these gyms revolve around the fact that they are money hungry like the wolf, all they want is your precious membership. But these "VIP" cards have no requirements that you have to want to join the gym before you can try it out for a week. It does say that you have to be 18, have a valid licence, and you're required to take a tour of the gym before working out, but thats it. I read the fine print.

As we walk up to used-to-be-a-grocery-store gym I recognized a guy at the front desk and thought "great, this guy will be nice and Jeff's opinon will instantly change and then he'll fall in love with the cardio theater room and I'll have made a gym partner for life!" I noticed, however, that one of my friendly stock boys was not looking so helpful and nice, but rather suspcious and defensive. For real, he was like a dog who just caught another dog walking on his lawn, he was roughly three seconds away from showing his teeth.

I let him know that my boyfriend would like to used the gym tonight.
Stock boy starts pacing and digging his front paws in the dirt, "10 dollars to work out for a one day pass".
I tell him that I have the VIP pass.
The fur on his back haunches is now sticking straight up, and he's starting to growl. He very hesitiently takes the pass. This is amazing to me, Jeff is not threatening in any way (unless you're threatened by good looks! zing!) and yet this guy was so put off by him being there. Stock boy takes Jeff's ID, stares at it for a minute and looks back up at him.
"So, Jeffrey, ya plannin' on joining this gym?"
Jeff, not being one to lie, replies "no, probably not".

Stock boy starts barking and growling. He's now got a reason to attack.

"I can't let you in. I mean, unless you want to pay 10 dollars or a one day pass. This VIP card is only for people who are seriously considering using the gym".

And seriously, he wouldn't let him in. I tried giving Stock boy some doggie biscuits, tried jingling my keys at him to distract him, I even told him I would take him outside on a walk, even though I had no intention to...just to get him to back down. But he had marked his territory behind the gym counter and he was not gonna let Jeff come in and piss in the cardio theater. (Which he wouldn't have, anyways. Jeff is housebroken).

So we didn't work out, Jeff's opinions of gyms have only strengthened and my happy bubble of excitment that i've joined used-to-be-a-grocery-store gym has already been popped.

The thing that kills me is that if I had brought a girl in to the gym with me and she told Stock Boy that she had no intention of joining the gym, he would have let her workout tonight, anyways.

Maybe he was threatened by Jeffs good looks.


Anonymous said...

Haha, this was great. Of course it was hunky hunky Jeff. You should pull you membership... and the stick out of their ass. Keep 'em coming Sarah, I shall be a loyal reader.

Zee said...

Hi! I came over from NaBloPoMo. I'm challenging myself to comment on as many blogs as possible this month as well as post.

How weird. Apparently, the Alpha was being threatened. Re: the ESPN and Fox News thing: Why can't gyms just play funny movies or even music videos instead of that crap? I'd rather run on a tredd mill without anything on the screen than Fox News.

Happy Posting!