Wednesday, April 29, 2009

For Vanessa Only...

Privacy? I can has invite?

K, Thnxs. Bai.

Sunday, April 26, 2009

Pixie, my kitten, escaped my parents car today in Sylvester, GA as they were driving to Memphis to spend the summer.

I'm very sad.

But I'm doing everything in my power to find her.

I'll get back to you later about my (hopefully not useless) efforts to find a cat that is lost in another state.

In the mean time, if you could chant "I do believe in Pixie, I do, I do" and imagine her finding somewhere safe that will take her to a shelter, or a vet, and inquire about her ownership, or if nothing else, take good care of her and love her, I would really appreciate it.


I do believe in Pixie. I do. I do. I do believe in Pixie. I do. I do.

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Why I'll Kill Him Reason # 58

Listening to the radio in the car home last night, the DJ* told us a little story about how couples that have pet names for each other have a stronger feelings, a healthier relationship and just generally a tighter bond.

"Yes!" I said "Thats why I call you Sweetums!"

"And thats exactly why I call you Sarah."

*It was totally the John Tesh Show

PS, I hope people understand that I find Jeffs jack-assery hilarious and know he's just being funny - which is obviously why I share them here.

Saturday, April 18, 2009

Can't we just talk to the humans? NO BECAUSE THEY ARE DEAD!

Internet Customer Service Conversation with T-Mobile

Please wait while we connect you with a customer service representative:
You are being connected with Josh H
Sarah: What up Josh H?
Josh: Hello Sarah.
Josh: How are you doing?
Sarah: Just fine. How are you?
Josh: I am doing well, thank you for asking Sarah. Please give me one moment while I review your question.
Josh: My customer service ID number is beep beep boop boop binary code
Josh: I see that you have already verified your account.
Josh: I will now address your concern-
Sarah: So, I know you have all of this pc protocol to follow as not to offend anyone, but you sound like a robot.
Sarah: and I like that.
Sarah: I will call you Josh-o-tron
Josh: haha. I am not, but you are right that I do have to adhere to certain guidelines, Sarah.
Sarah: Like repeating my name a lot.
Sarah: So whats the deal? Why won't my phone work?
Sarah: Josh-o-tron, you are very slow. I think you need a new hard drive.
Sarah: I hope that wasn't offensive.
Josh: It appears there is an outage in your area, it could last 1-4 hours.
Sarah: I don't know robot etiquette
Sarah: That sucks! I was just walking out the door, but I don't know where I'm going.
Sarah: Thanks Josh-o-tron, you did your best.
Josh: Thank you for being a great, and patient T-Mobile customer. Have a great night!
Sarah: You too, Josh-o-tron! Stay out of the rain, you'll rust. but you probably already know that.


Know how Google (like many search functions) has that fun little feature where it tries to predict what you want to search for, based on what is most popular?

So sometimes I'll just start entering words or parts of letters just to see what the masses are searching for. This is one of my favorite internet past times, next to best of craigs list and fail blog.

Some of my current favorites:

48,000,100 people are currently wondering "what is twitter?"

374,000 people want to know "why is my poop green?" and a close, but different 441,000 are trying to figure out "why is my poop black?"

exactly 1,000,000 people have been robbed! Or...something close because they all are trying to figure out "Who moved my cheese?"

"How to become a vampire?" "How to become anorexic" and "How to be emo" all have at least 1,000,000 inquiries

but the one that really makes me wonder how our civilization has come as far as it has is the search for the "am i pregnant quiz"

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

make up the break down

Tonight at the Salon/Spa where I work we had an event called "Sake, Sushi and Spring Fashion" where in a local sushi joint provided the grub, a local upscale boutique provided the clothes for our models and we (the salon) provided the free booze (and lots of it) and the party itself. It was fun.
Lots of fun.
And lots of people showed up, way more than I thought would. I mean, who goes to parties at their salon?
I guess when you're good at what you do, people will flock for free stuff.

So each stylist had their own model in which they created a dramatically different hair look for them and I was told, flippantly and with no prior proof that I knew what I was doing aside from the fact that my licence says I can, was told I would be doing each models make up.


I like doing my own makeup but this was a lot of pressure.
I was nervous.

I had then entire responsibility of making every one of these ladies look good.

And people...these ladies looked good.

Maybe this seems like a rather insignificant item of note but I thoroughly surprised myself with how good all of these women looked. And different. I did something entirely different on each person.

And well...I'm pleased.

Also, one of my new friends, Christina, showed up despite the fact that she was lost for an hour and by herself. I did her makeup too. I guess I don't need to tell you how she looked*.

*Less good because by the time she got there I was drunk, but still impressively good all things considered.

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Facebook Stalking Has a Whole New Meaning

You know those ads on the side of facebook that always seem to be related to whatever your facebook says about you?

For instance, 85% of the ads on my facebook are about "The ultimate wedding diet". But every once and a while they tell me of bands on tour that I have listed under my favorite bands or if someone writes on my wall about how much I suck, there might be an add for a vacuum cleaner for a few days.

But then I got this ad for an inhaler for people with asthma.

I don't have asthma nor have I even mentioned to people how I'm training to run and I got really wheezy the other day.

So imagine my shock the day I got the ad for the inhaler because it was the day I bought an inhaler with my credit card.

Am I being paranoid here? Or is facebook reeaalllyy stalking me?

Wednesday, April 8, 2009

It's Miley!!

Miley Cyrus has an autobiography.

Called Miles to Go.

I didn't even pick it up but I imagine it reads something like this

"Ya'll, one time, my dad had this song called achey brackey heart and like, ya'll that was significant to my life. And then my dad played my dad on tv when I was hannah montana and well basically I'm cashing in on every fleeting moment possible because I'm only 15 and I saw what happened to Britney, ya know? Or like, Drew Barrymoore? She totally made a comback and she totally wrote an autobiography at 13 so like...thanks for buying my book, Ya'll. My boyfriend is in his 20s."

(It's still a felony!)

Also...what is a blue raspberry?
I bought a bag of jelly beans that has a picture of every fruit its trying to represent in the flavor department but for the blue raspberry flavor it just has a picture of blue jelly beans.

fruit flavor fail.

Things I know for sure

My college experience was amazing - far surpassing what most people wish their college experience was like.
I have some of the best friends ever, even the ones that I haven't seen in a few years - we all fit back together like a puzzle.
Once past the age of 21, Tallahassee is best when consumed in moderation...

Thursday, April 2, 2009

Can someone unzip my pants for me?

I went to the store after work tonight to pick up a bottle of wine when I realized that I, for the first time in my life, live in a state that sells 40's.


Wednesday, April 1, 2009

Memories of Spring Breaks Past

Scene: Wake up in the morning after a long, very drunk day in Mexico.

Convene for breakfast in the restaurant of the cruise ship that you are on with 14 of your sorority sisters.

Listen to Joanna tell this story:

"Wow, I remember getting back on the cruise ship yesterday and rolling down the grand entrance stairs...but I can't remember who I was with. Was it any of you guys?"

"Not me" we all confidently agreed.

"Well, all I can remember is that someone took a picture...damn it...who took that picture??!! Sarah, was it you??"

"No. I was not with you when you rolled down the grand stair case, that's ridiculous...I would have remembered that!"

"I thought it was Sarah...but..."

and so it went all day long...who took that picture of Joanna? Did she just imagine someone took that picture of her?

And then that night my bunk mate Katy picked up my camera and started looking through it.

"Um, Sarah...has anyone else taken had your camera on the cruise?"


"Then please explain this picture-"


Ok...I'm as equally as excited for the rest of this coming weekend as I am about the wonder kids.