Wednesday, December 30, 2009

10 years later...

Assuming that these next few days go, at the least, without merit then this decade has definitely been the best decade I’ve had yet. Granted, I’ve only had two and a half decades, and the high lights of those were shitting in my pants and learning to not shit in my pants, respectively, but this one has been damn good.
Items of note:
Graduated high school
Graduated college
Invented a machine to allow cats to write blog posts
Visited Europe, and then did it again
Wrote a Pulitzer prize winning novel
Learned to drive
Got married
Let cats write most of my blog posts for this decade
Became the first black president
Moved to several new locations
Became a pretty cool adult

Happy New Decade to you and yours!

*this post was written by a cat

Wednesday, December 23, 2009

Stop being an ass hat to people who don't deserve it

I should not have garnered this response from the technician who helped me out on the Bank of America live chat-

I asked him a simple, straight forward question. He gave me a simple, straight forward answer, as well as telling me (and I quote) "I request you not to worry at all" and "you need not to get disappointed, I have a best alternative for you"

and then I said - "great! thank you. That's all I need, you were very helpful. have a nice day!"

And boy was I lucky enough to not instantly close out the chat box because then he said-
"Pleasure is all mine! Thank you for your appreciation. Thank you. It was a pleasure assisting you today. Enjoy the rest of the day! Have a wonderful day! Take care and keep smiling! Wish you a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year! May the Holiday season snow joy and cheer on you! Thank you. Bye and take care of yourself! You have been so wonderful. It is a privilege to have a wonderful customer like you. Bank of America is delighted to have customers like you."

To which I ask you, American society, why are you such an ass hole? Seriously. Stop treating people like shit.

Monday, December 7, 2009

He'd never survive in the real world

Two cop cars are sitting outside of our apartment right now.

Jeff: I just bought pot from the cop.

Me: Oh yeah? How'd that work out?

Jeff: I walked up to one of them and I was like "Do you sell pot?" and he said "no, I arrest people who sell pot". Then I walked up to the other cop and said "Do you sell pot?" and he said "yes" so I said "I'll take three"

Me: Three what?

Jeff: Three marijuana

Me: dumb founded

Jeff: Marijuana is plural for marijuana, like geese.

Me: Geese is plural for goose...and anyways, what?

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

We did

When we were planning our wedding, we just wanted it to be the most fun wedding of all time. Oh, and also be beautiful. That's not too much to ask, is it?

Mustaches and flip flops for all, mad libs and crosswords in the program, a photo booth, dancing, a candy buffet and an all around amazing time.

Apparently not!