Tuesday, September 22, 2009

tempting varieties

Yeah, I bought these yesterday-

and yeah, I do find the fact that Bella's flavor is "creme" and it's liquidy and very white and just starts oozing out the second you bite into it a not so subtle metaphor for her love triangle. And yes, I'm not surprised that I like Jacob's peanut butter filled flavor the best because Jacob is the best.

Even though I wouldn't have eaten it, I probably would have made Bella's candy have a raspberry filling since it's the fact that shes a human with blood inside of her that's gotten her into all this trouble in the first place...not vampire semen...that doesn't get her in trouble til the 4th book...(I wont even get into why it's so retarded that having unprotected sex with a vampire doesn't turn her into a vampire, but it does get her pregnant) (um...spoiler alert.)

We're having a candy bar at our wedding and I haven't quite convinced Jeff that these candies should be included. Still working on it though...I've got two months.

Two months.

The invitations are officially in the mail.

Hows that for a transition?

Friday, September 18, 2009

18 Kids and Counting...

The Duggar family believe that children are a gift from God, but if you keep on throwing parties, isn't it the polite thing to do to include "no gifts, please!" to the bottom of your invitations?

It's just kinda rude.

Thursday, September 17, 2009

Things I Love Thursdays: Comedy Television

In honor of the season premier of NBC Must See TV tonight ( they don't call it that anymore, but they should because it's still funny tv and it's still on Thursday nights) I present you with Sit Coms I love!

5) Flight of the Conchords - New Zealand 4th most popular folk comedy duo attempt to make it in America. Their bumbling antics and catchy toons are intoxicating. Season 1 is brilliant, unfortunately season 2 doesn't bring the same level of amazingness but can you really blame them? Could you write a catch and hilarious song for each episode? Didn't think so. You were good while you lasted, Brett and Jermaine
4) Californication - Inappropriate, raunchy; David Duchovny as Hank Moody acts the way that everyone of us wants to act but doesn't because we have social constrictions that keep us from saying and fucking whatever we want...but he doesn't. And the weird part? You never, ever reach a point where you don't like him. But that has more to do with David Duchovny then Hank Moody. David Duchovny, why won't you love me?
3) The Office - As far as hilarity is concerned, this show brings it big and hard. That's what she said. Also, I root for Pam and Jim like they're my best friends, and I know I'm not the only one.
2) 30 Rock - A conversation between Tracy Jordon and his Doctor, Doctor Spaceman -
"Tracy, I don't know how to say this but you have...hmm? Di-a-beet-us?"
"What? I have Diabetes?"
"Yes, and if you're not careful, you could loose your feet."
"Could I replace them with a wheel like Rosie from the Jetsons?"
"Well, I suppose so, but then you'd have to register as a motor vehicle"
1) Arrested Development - On the Sims3 you can choose several character traits for your Sims. One of the options is "Never Nude". If you don't know what that means then you need to watch Arrested Development... NOW! I don't know how many tv shows impact other wise completely unrelated pieces of pop culture, but this is the funniest show of all time. Period.

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

gaydar on the fritz?

"Just because he wears nice clothes doesn't mean he's on the down low"

"um, he wore a corset to second period"


Tuesday, September 15, 2009

Current Wedding Conditions

Frustrations - High

Chance of fun - 10%

Chance of spontaneously crying - 84%

10 day forecast - Cloudy

Saturday, September 12, 2009

I might be pushing it but...

Have you seen the newest New Moon trailer? I actually think this movie might be...dare I say...good.

I'm already giving one point to Summit entertainment for getting rid of Catherine Hardwick who directed Twilight. Obviously New Moon was going to be better even if a blind monkey directed it...but seriously...check out this trailer...

I don't know why they haven't ripped it down yet, but this is what they'll be showing tomorrow night on the VMA' don't fret children. Watch it now and that way you won't have to worry if you're missing it while you're watching the season finale of True Blood.

And now, whether you care about the Twilight Saga or not - watch seriously brings the lols.

Thursday, September 10, 2009

Things I Love Thursday, Jeff edition

1) He likes to do the dishes.
2) When he goes out of town, he hides notes for me - in the fridge, the shower, drawers...this one was in plane sight on his side of the bed when I got home yesterday.
3) He makes up songs about whatever it is that hes doing, all the time. Essentially narrating his life in song. Which is ironic because he claims he doesn't "get" musicals. *Since I don't have a picture of him singing I opted instead for an adorable picture of him as a boy
4) He loves me and he's going to marry me in almost 2 months!
5) When he does marry me, thanks to his sweet government job, I'll get sweet government health insurance! (Eat it, private sector!)
6) He's still so freakin' adorable I can hardly stand it.

Wednesday, September 9, 2009

parking pass

In my apartment complex we don't have reserved parking, not even specific visitor parking. I've always found this to be a good sign of a complex having ample parking for everyone to park, and this is true for us here. Of course, there are some choice spots that people want to park in to get them as close to their individual apartment as possible, but it's really not an issue.

Well, except this one spot. It's a make-shift handicap spot. Essentially the apartment complex put up a sign in the grass in front of the spot so that while a particular resident is residing in said complex, he has a designated spot. He doesn't have one of the hangy tags, but an actual handicap licence plate which seems very legit. Although I really don't know what this guys handicap is.

And this guy is very serious about his parking spot. The spot itself is often questioned in its right to be a handicap spot. There is no blue paint on the ground, nor is there a ramp to the sidewalk or extra space marked off next to it for a wheelchair or other objects that would need extra room to evacuate a vehicle. So people park there, a lot. And he puts a printed up note on their windshield wipers, and he contacts the apartment management and turns in their tag numbers and has them call the owners of the vehicles (Yeah, I'm one of the people who questioned it's validity when I first moved in). It happens about once a week, I'd say.

Here's the part that erks me though; its not that this guy is handicapped, or that he gets his own parking spot (even if his spot would be the most clutch spot for me, but whatev) or that he reports cars (they never tow, so no ones gonna get into a fight over this), what really gets me is that this guy lives on the second floor. Which means every time he leaves his apartment he walks up and down a flight of stairs, but it's a huge deal to him that he has a spot that is 10 feet closer to his apartment then the one on the other side of the street. Every time he gets pissed that someone is in his handicap spot he has to walk up his stairs, get a paper, walk down his stairs, stick it on their car, and then walk up his stairs again.

I feel like I'm missing a huge element of this equation.

Saturday, September 5, 2009

College Football Flashback

College game day, circa 2006, Joanna and I finishing our strongbows at 10 am on campus so we could walk across the street and get into the bar. (Obviously they wouldn't let us into the bar with our contraband).

From facebook, Joanna writes - "it's like looking into the future -- Sarah and i will no doubt be bums in our old age, drinking Strongbow out of coozies on a street corner (wearing cashmere scarves and designer sunglasses)"

Look closely in the background and you'll see a painted wall advertising that our sorority loves our parents. I wonder how they felt about us?

And, as an added bonus - heres how that day ended up 14 hours later -


Thursday, September 3, 2009

Pardon the interuption

but "Things I Love Thursday" will not be showing up today as the thing that I had been set on for the past week to shower with affection on my blog has currently lost it's place on my list of things I want to shower with affection and I'm afraid I'm a little to clouded to come up with something else...

...oh wait, I just came up with something else...but I think I'll wait til next week!

Wednesday, September 2, 2009

Choose your own adventure

Dear The Public,

I was wondering if we could talk about a certain "celebrity" couple that has been infiltrating our news sources, websites and general lives and it must stop. That's right, I'm talking about (Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt/Jon & Kate Gosslin)____________. These people are so infuriating and they think we care about them. What they really, honestly can't seem to understand is that we are simply (laughing/not shocked in the slightest)______ at the train wrecks that is their lives. And we must stop them.

Take (Spencer/Jon)_____ for instance. This guy thinks that sporting (a creepy flesh colored beard/Ed Hardy Shirts to cover his gut)__________ is cool. It's not. It's (Creepy/desperate)_________. Oh, and the fact that you (push your wife's playboy issue/flaunt the fact that you have a 23 year old girlfriend)______at every opportunity that you can is also not cool. It's (desperate/creepy)______. I bet this guy was the biggest nerd in high school. And not the kind of nerd that grows up to be wealthy and interesting and surrounds himself with lots of friends and has something to offer society. No, I bet he was the kind of tool that rubbed his fingers around his pooper and then ran around making people sniff them...because he thought it was funny. This is essentially what this (douche nozzle/douche nozzle)______ is contributing to us right now, and even though we're laughing at him, he is soaking up every minute of it. We have to stop, and it's just as bad with his (wife/ex wife)_____ too.

Oh (Heidi/Kate)____, when will she realize that she is (a mouth piece/the flame that started this fire)_____ for her (obnoxious fame whore of a husband/flaming match that has been threatening to strike for years)______. Every time she does an interview attempting to defend herself from what (Anderson Cooper, Al Roaker, Joel McHale, and the rest of the world/Jon Gosslin)______ said about her she just makes it obvious that (she has no discernible talent to sustain herself otherwise/does not care about her kids as much as she claims over and over and over and over and over again)______ and that she loves the attention. Any one with half an ounce of grace would have bowed out of the spotlight and let time wash over her mess of a life. But she doesn't, she does things like appear on the cover of (Playboy/People, over and over and over and over again). At least she had some decent (plastic surgery/plastic surgery) ______ and got her self a talented (photo shop airbrusher/photo shop airbrusher)______. Remember when her reality show started? Talk about an ugly duckling. She was (like the Tori Spelling of The Hills/believable as a mother who had 8 kids under 5 and worked her ass off to get through everyday)______________. Now she (is a cyst of the ovaries of society/goes on book tours and makes frequent appearances on Larry King Live)___________________.

So what do we do? How do we stop these awful people from spreading like a rash on the underbelly of our pop culture world? Just ignore them. Because while making fun of the unbelievably ridiculous shit that they do like (quiting their reality show after one day in a dramatic, oh whoa is me type exit that included calling upon Jesus to find their way to safety/remaining on their reality show even though it's the very thread that has unraveled the entire fabric of their lives)_____________ is hilarious, it doesn't work for them. They live for attention, no matter how negative it is. So please, turn off Larry King, write Perez Hilton and tell him you want more Twilight updates and less of this shit, don't buy their magazines that they get paid millions to grace the covers on and most importantly STOP WATCHING THEIR TV SHOWS. Think of these people like little dogs that you're training. You don't want them whimpering outside of your door while you're sleeping? Well, you've tried letting them in your room but then they just whimper next to you. You've tried getting angry with them and bopping them on their nose, but then they think you're playing a game. Well try ignoring them. It'll take some time, but eventually, they'll go away.

Please society, I'm begging you. We can do this, together.

Thank you for your time,