Monday, June 29, 2009


I, historically, hate my birthday. The past 2 years haven't been bad - as in, nothing traumatic has happened like being accused of being a terrorist before boarding a trans Atlantic flight, or having a "fuck you" party thrown in my honor, or not being invited on a family vacation in honor of my brothers birthday which is three days before mine - but after two decades of build up, the anxiety surrounding my birthday is high.

So the past two years I essentially sank into corners, hummed loudly and waited for the day to be over. If nothing happened, I reasoned, nothing bad can happen.

I've got a better take on things after this year.

Ok, so que the anxiety in the form of irritable bowl syndrome on Friday night. Couldn't sleep. Hurt. Hurt. Hurt. Holy crap I need to take a holy crap but I cant and it hurts hurts hurts. For the next two days. Until Sunday night, just an hour or so before Jeff and I are supposed to leave on my birthday trip when...oh my god...I need depends or we're not going on this trip after all.

So we leave Charleston really late on Sunday night to drive a few hours to Asheville, NC. We check into our hotel room and head on up to our room ready to pass out...we walk in and...well...thats a living room? And is that a...yep, that's a separate room where our giant bed is. This is not the room we ordered. I hope this isn't the room we paid for. I call down to the front office and the guy tells me that the room we booked was over booked and since we were so late checking in, they filled up all the standard kings and had to upgrade us! Sweet! and also Suite!! Ok, fine, it was the Holiday Inn...but it was a brand new Holiday Inn, only a few months old, so it didn't have that dirty hotel feeling and still...Suite! Balcony! Two flat screen TV's!

Monday was my birthday and we went to the Biltmore which was awesome. Marching around the largest house in America with an audio tour plugged into my ears is honestly a great time to me. Houses! The grandness! I must come back at Christmas! (my favorite holiday with an anxiety rating of -63) Oh look! There is a winery here, too! Free tastings! Lets go!!!!

So yes, keeping busy doing something fun with my man, far away from anyone else that I know was a huge help. That, and leaving my cell phone in the hotel room so I wasn't thinking about who wasn't calling me to wish me a happy birthday. (yes, of course I'm aware I bring this on myself).

No one knew it was my birthday at the Biltmore which meant I didn't expect anything from anyone except to serve me lots of free wine samples...and they did.

On ward and upward, Tuesday we went white water rafting which was a blast and then had dinner down town and more importantly had desert at this place - French broad Chocolate Lounge. Between the Biltmore and the Chocolate Lounge I have been dreaming of wine and chocolate for a week now. Good wine and good chocolate.

Downtown Asheville is charming, adorable, the food is amazing. The fuckin' hipsters are vast and its hard to tell where the hipsters end and the homeless people start - but it was a cool place to visit. I'll go back for Christmas time. I wonder if fuckin' hipsters decorate their turtle shelled glasses and scarfs with tinsel and lights. I guess I'll find out!

Came home Wednesday night and Thursday night went to my friends Lauren and Ricky's for family dinner. This is something we do every week...pot luck style dinner, usually about 6 of us, some booze, good times. Except this time they told me not to bring anything.

They shoved me in a car and took me to one of the nicest restaurants in Charleston (which is really saying something because there are A LOT of really nice restaurants in Charleston). Oak Steakhouse, and 3 story restaurant in the heart of downtown where all of the servers are wearing ties and cummerbunds and each table has two assistant waiters wearing bow ties and vests.

Oh, and when dinner was over and our plates were cleared, a piece of cheesecake covered in fresh strawberries and blueberries (my favorite) was brought to us lit with a candle and, written in chocolate across the plate, it read "Happy Birthday Sarah".

This, of course, was only a surprise to me - but then our server showed up with six glasses of pink champagne. My friend Chirstina proclaimed "wait...I don't remember saying anything about this!" and we toasted my birthday and all was grand.

I can't wait to turn 25.

Oh wait. 25 sounds like an adult. Maybe I can wait a year or so.

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

Engagement Photos

Taken by one of Jeff's best friends/grooms man, Jason Pratt.

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

You gotta give me some credit

Aside from the actual content of that last blog post, you might never know I was wasted when I wrote it. My bar trick is typing well when I'm drunk.

Yeah that

Went shopping, noticed a wine shop in the middle of the town center.

"5 dollar wine tasting" joanna said "that sounds fun"
"well..." i replied "we could check it out"

2 pm happens

then 3:30 is happening 

"I can't remember the last time I've been drunk on a Monday...besides last monday" says Joanna as we leave the...lets be clear, not bar, but wine shop...on a monday afternoon with a bottle of sparkling red wine. 

Litterally as we're oppening the bottle Jeff walks through the door from work. 


It's Paige's Okra Grill time. Paige's Okra Grill is what Cracker Barrel wishes it could be...BUT CAN'T. Obviously there were lots of fried deliciousness in leftover form. Also, you can get beer there which you can't get at Cracker Barrel*

Going out time. We go from bar to bar...we shall call it "bar hopping" meeting illustrious and interesting people every where we go from both man and woman. (WO man). I told everyone it was birthday (literally one week away, according to my book of ettiquite, not a lie. Birthday week started today.) We got lots of free drinks and had lots of free fun time.** We walked out of a bar and I said "Is it time to go home? Should we take a cab? No...Lets take one more shot at one more bar"

We walk in to a bar where we here the live musician say "This is my last song of the night" to the 6 people in the bar. Joanna and I instantly notice the song and run to him like it is our destiny
"This is a song" we sing
"for the ladies...but fellas, listen close"

we sang "Fuck Her Gently" at the top of our lungs

"Do you know The Saftey Dance? What about Forever In Blue Jeans?"
He knew them both and played them for us while we did our choreographed dance(s). We offered him a drink and he of course wanted Joanna's newest signature drink - Firefly Sweet Tea and water.

So...we go to the bar to order our new friend a drink and get a shot our two for ourselves (ITS MY BIRTHDAY, DID YOU HEAR??) and these fucking bitches start making fun of us by going 
(and I quote) "like totally for sure, I just got a manicure!!" and clapping like...I guess...cheerleaders?

So first of all...make sure your black roots are done before you start mocking us. Also, you're ass holes. It's my birthday, did you hear? It's also 2 am and we are out having fun and you are out making fun of girls like its 1994. I mean really. Thats the best you have? Because we totally had enough blonde hair/black root jokes to last us until tomorrow. But, we held back and only shot out a few. Gave the bartender a nice tip and peaced out before you white trash ass holes tried to rip our hair out (spoiler alert...ours is real and wont pull out as easily as weave)

A fat black man named James drove us home, sounded like Louie Armstrong and got out of his cab to give us good night hugs (not creepy) and then this happened:

Joanna: "I have to throw up"
Me: "Ok...will you get me my phone?"
Joanna: "Fuck you. I have to throw up."
Me: "Cool. get me my phone and then make yourself at my toilet. seriously. don't throw up on my couch."
Joanna: "fuck you"

shes passed out and its my birthday...DID YOU HEAR???

*I don't know this for a fact. I only go to Cracker Barrel when I am so hung over that the only thing in my belly is alcohol and the only thing I want is biscuits and gravy and fried okra and olde timey root beer and can I get this boxed up? I'm gonna have to eat this later.

**a conversation we had tonight:
Me: "Joanna...did you just tell that bouncer that your bar trick was getting in fights?"
Joanna: "The interesting this is that my bar trick is what ever I want it to be. Sometimes my bar trick is being lazy. You really never know what will happen and thats what people like. People like for you to keep them guessing."****

*** I just tried to wake Joanna up to read this to her and she said "FUCK THOSE FUCKER WITH THOSE SHEETS"
"what" I said
" know...with...fuccks...shut up and I want...shut up"

Saturday, June 13, 2009

Hang Wangin'

Me: Get up
Joanna: Your bed is so comfy. I'm never getting up.
Me: But we have plans
Joanna: No. I'm gonna be like the lady from Gilbert Grape
Me:'re gonna get really fat and I'm gonna have to burn the house down?
Joanna: It's an extended metaphor. I'm not getting up.


Tuesday, June 9, 2009

Sorry I haven't written in a week...

but I've been busy. Please see the post below.

Thank you for your understanding.

Tuesday, June 2, 2009

Sims 2? Please step into my office. We need to talk.

Yes Sims 2, thank you for being here.

As you know, you have been a great asset to my company ability to waste hours on end without noticing. The things you do around here have not go unnoticed. Of course it was amazing when you permitted the ability for my sims to have babies that grew into toddlers, children, teens, even young adults, adults, and then got old and died. That had been previously unheard of! Oh, The Sims 2! Your possibilities were limitless! Always coming out with a new expansion pack to give me new fashions, new music, even the ability for it to snow over in Pleasantville where previously it had always been pleasant! It seems, however, that your limitless possibilities have reached their limit. Today I will be letting you go. I will leave for work and on my home I will stop at Target to buy the newly released Sims 3, and you, sorry to say, will have to be deleted. And I will be awed and amazed by the Sims 3 and in a year or so I will see someone playing the Sims 2 and I will laugh at their inferiority to me and wonder how I ever had the slightest bit of fun playing, eh, Sims 2 when I have Sims 3! So much better! Seamless neighborhoods!! Everyone ages together! No more waiting an hour just to go to a community lot! And did I mention the personality traits? DID I?

So you understand why I must let you go. I will be happy to write you any recommendations that you might ask for, although you'll pretty much just be living in a drawer in my computer desk.

You can finish out the day.

Oh. And thank you for not crashing my computer and deleting yourself like The Sims did to me back in '02.

Monday, June 1, 2009

It doesn't have to be about Twilight for Brittany and me to be total nerds...

Brittany: i used to have a crush on him when i was 15

Me: dont lie. you like boys.

Brittany: oliver wood is older than us lady

Me: yeah, but plays a child and thats who you still love

Brittany: he was older than me when he played it, he played a 6th years and if i were in hogwarts i wouldve been a 5th year


Or course, this was after we spent last night and this morning discussing this - to discuss?