Thursday, July 30, 2009

If you have any inclination that you like to write, or that you are a writer, or that you just like to read a lot (and you do because you probably have a blog, and if nothing else you're at least reading my blog) then read Julianna Baggotts guest post at

Good stuff over there.

Free at last

Do you remember this story - here? Where I tried to quit my job and my boss wouldn't let me.

I know. no one understands it. I don't understand it that much myself, to be honest. I had haggled her down to one day a week and started a new job on the other days and am so happy there...and so is, ahem, my bank account.

But obviously I didn't care what happened at the one day a week job because, you know, I DIDN'T WANT TO WORK THERE ANYMORE.

She crossed a line on Monday. She tried to get her daughter to make appointments at my other spa to see if I was actually having success there because I wouldn't come into her spa on Monday morning to give her daughter a facial. Seriously.

Oh yeah, that one day a week thing was on Fridays, not Mondays. But I wouldn't have come in on Friday to do it either.

So all day Monday I kept chanting a mantra in my head. When I was a wee teenager trying to figure out college life - including how to handle employment - a wise man told me
"Never underestimate the power of quitting your job."*, **

So I quit. No pushing me around this time. I wouldn't take no for an answer. And I didn't. And I sure do feel a lot better about Fridays now.

*This man was my employer

** If you're reading this right now, its also possible that this man was your husband. Especially if you're this person.

Monday, July 27, 2009

dont even try to tell me I have a case of the Mondays...

My one boss is encroaching on my personal space at my other job.

My toilet is overflowing.

I have a slight hangover.

I've stepped on glass 4 times this morning.

Despite spending all weekend with Jeff I don't feel like I've seen him at all. And I miss him.

People who are staying at our house argue constantly. Every word out of the ones mouth is an invitation to criticize the other one.

I've been awake just over 2 hours.

I just may hyperventilate out of my skin today.

Friday, July 24, 2009

Joanna on New Moon

how perfect is it that it comes out the weekend of your wedding
its like twilight's personal wedding gift to you


Monday, July 20, 2009

How to: Drink around the world. A story in pictures.

Begin in Canada - try the La Batt Blue. Say "Ay" a lot. A lot, a lot.

Move on to the United Kingdom. I suggest this early on in your trip to go with a nice Strongbow, but if you're feeling adventurous, give a Guinness a go. And then shove yourself in a phone booth.

France = Grand Marnier Orange slushies, berets and pastries! Zut Alors!

While in Morocco you'll come up against a peculiar occurrence where you don't quite believe that their drink options are true to the region. I hate to say it, but you'll come across it again. I mean, I don't know - daiquiris may have originated in the northern regions of Africa but I'd put my money on it being created on a cruise ship.
While in Morocco, do try the fez hats on for size but don't be afraid to explore deep into the alleys. You may find a hidden room with a certain Arabian cartoon motif painted on the walls with a certain song playing on may find a whole new world...

To find the Sake bombs in Japan you have to travel through every store (they're connected) and go to the very back cash register. (PS, You can tell we're in Japan because of the exit sign above my head) That's racial sensitivity at its finest.

*The next day at the Magic Kingdom, Brittany and I were looking at an off beat looking Mickey Mouse Plush toy. He was just a big circle with all of his features filled in. A woman who worked in the store approached us to say "I'm pretty sure the orientals made this one. I mean, they do have those round faces"

AHH!! MOTHER LAND!! Enjoy your Bud Light. Do not even dare think about ordering a Sam Adams. What the fuck is wrong with you. Sam Adams taste like shit. Tell people that. You're at the half way point so you should be feeling tipsy enough to tell strangers that. You should also be tipsy enough to confuse a puerto rican woman dressed like a revolutionary war era american with a slave.

Italy, drink wine. Duh.

Germany = drink any alcohol, duh.

When traveling around the world you may come across some no mans land. They might call themselves the Outpost. It doesn't make any sense at all. It's a waste of space and there has got to be another country that Epcot could shove in here. But the bottom line is there is no booze. Theoretically it represents the struggles it takes to get into Communist China...

...Where they also have questionable signature cocktails. I'm just saying - while on the one hand the "Canto-loopey" and "Mango Ginger-rita" sound authentic, on the other hand they dont at all. To make up for it, become dictator of all your friends. Make them feel oppressed.

Norway! Be a viking. Rape and Pillage. You're so damn close. You are a viking. Get that one Norwegian beer they have. By this point you wont care what it taste like. Just go! Go! Go! Get to that finish line!


You should look roughly like this when you're done:

And what did you do this weekend?

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

Wedding Porn

When you're getting married and planning a wedding, looking at pictures of other people's wedding is like porn.
Maybe you're a little interested in whats new out there, want to try something else out? You're just gonna go on to peruse the web for a minute, right?

3 hours later. You're still looking at porn wedding websites. It feels wrong. It's not even enjoyable after a while because all you can think is i can't physically put my body in that position my wedding will never be that magical, or that position or that creative and original, that position would hurt me emotionally or oh my god I'm doing it all wrong!!!
You want to stop. You do, but there is so much to look at. There are so many ideas that you haven't discovered yet. And your check list. Nothings getting checked off. And you're not sure if delegated things are getting done. Oh yeah, and you're planning a wedding 2 states away. And oh my god you're almost at the 4 month mark. 4 FREAKIN' MONTHS. There is no way is hell you're ready. 4 months is practically next week and would you be ready if your wedding were next week?
Hell no.

And then you stumble across really disturbing pictures like these and these and start panicking. I mean, what if your cake falls prey to the same fate? And then you start to think "who fucking cares? it's a cake?" and then you answer yourself "I care! I care!" and then you realize you're talking to yourself.

Stop looking at wedding website. All it does is portray unrealistic images of women and puts unattainable fantasies in your head. It's not real. They're just actors. They're getting paid to take it up the butt wear wedding dresses and curl their bodies in really stupid looking poses.

The "you" in this situation is me.

Happy Birthday Breeny!

Dearest Breeny,
for this birthday post I searched far and wide for the perfect picture, but I came to a shocking conclusion that every picture of us contains some combonation of the following - us with our mouths wide open, borderline porn, way way way too drunk and incredibly nerdy. So instead of posting a classy picture, I'm posting my favorite picture.

Bonus! Find Joanna in the picture and you win a prize!
Spring Break Cruise Circa 2007 After spending all day in Mexico

Monday, July 13, 2009

In my humble opinion

I read in one of my psychology books in college that women are more likely to say "I think..." or "Personally..." or other predicative phrases before stating an opinion where as men are more likely to make the opinion as fact.

As in -
"Personally, I think that apples are my favorite fruit"
"In my opinion, I believe that chlamydia would be a very pretty name if it didn't have such a negative connotation"

Compared to -
"Apples are my favorite fruit"
"Chlamydia would be a very pretty name if it didn't have such a negative connotation"

The point that my book was trying to make was that, as a society, women are less sure of them selves, less confident in stating opinion as a fact. Saying "Apples are my favorite fruit" is a fact, as long as it's true to you. But adding these phrases to the beginning puts our stance on shaky ground. It instantly softens the validity of our point by saying "you might disagree with me, but thats ok...because I'm just, you know're right. Blueberries are superior."

Which brings me to the internet. There is a particular phrase that really grinds my gears. I read it on message boards, blogs and facebook and it goes a little something like this-


as in

"IMHO I honestly believe that Jon and Kate should have to go to counseling where they're forced to hug and give each other kisses just like Kate makes her kids do when they fight. Lol. Just my thoughts! =)"

In my humble opinion. Is there anything worse? Could you knock yourself down any more?
First of all - We all know it's your freakin' opinion. What else would it be? A math equation?
Second of all - I can only assume you add those 4 awful letters to soften your blow a little bit because you're afraid that the rest of the internets is gonna tear you apart.

"Dumb Biatch! Jon and Kate shouldn't go 2 counseling! They should b shot, execution style! lolz! And their kids should be divided up amongst the zoo's and fed to lions! Ur so dumb! I bet ur stupid! pwnd!"

Right...because reading that would just...oh...suck? I guess? Put you into a crippling depression tail spin? Hurt your feelings? No. It won't. Because it's just the freakin' internet and they can't hurt you and you don't take it to seriously because even with out being know it's just their opinion.

Take a stand. Drop the clauses and asterisks we put before our thoughts. If you mean it enough to say it, then say it without hesitation.

Thursday, July 9, 2009

The Coolest Michael Jackson Tribute Ever

Tuesday, July 7, 2009


"I wonder if decaying MJ will look anything like Thriller MJ."

I guess it depends if they buried him in white socks and a red leather jump suit.

Monday, July 6, 2009

Sarah's take on hand holding.

I find that a lot of cynical people are offended by hand holding between couples as if it is one of the most disgusting and reprehensible forms of PDA known to man.

Earlier this summer, a friend and I were laying out at the pool at her apartment complex. We were the only people at the pool until this college-age couple showed up, got in the pool as close to us as could be and while the guy sat on the ledge (facing us) his girlfriend sat on his lap (also facing us) and began grinding. For as long as we were at the pool. Now that is offensive public displays of affection.

I love holding Jeff's hand. I grab it in ever instance that I can. And here's the has nothing to do with anyone but Jeff and myself. I like being close to him, I like feeling his skin on mine, I genuinely love being around my soon to be husband. I mean, can you believe it? It's not a declaration to others around me that he belongs to me, or that I'm accounted for, or that we're so happy and you're so not. It has as much to do with you as the shirt I put on before I leave the house.

Holding hands is an extremely intimate interchange between two people. Parents hold their children's hands, lovers grasp, friends hold hands. But the human touch is personal, delicate. Like staring into someones eyes - you might want to turn away because it is too personal. To be touched is intense, to be touched and held onto - not knowing when you'll be let go - that requires you to let that person in.

But it's not vulgar, it doesn't make me less interesting and it still has nothing to do with you.

Wednesday, July 1, 2009

The mothership wants them home...

Has anyone considered that Farrah Fawcet, MJ, Ed McMahn and Billy Mays are all aliens? And their home planet called for their return? I'm no doctor but I'd say its likely.

*Not Farrah. She's no alien. And didn't die suddenly of heart failure. It doesn't fit the alien M.O.