Saturday, August 29, 2009

The number two most searched item for children ages 8 - 13 is the word "google".

I'll let you marinade in that for a minute.

Still confused? Have you tried googling it?

Thursday, August 27, 2009

never stops being funny...

Good Day,
I am MR.CHAO WEI, Bank of China (Hongkong),I have a business proposal of(US$18,600,000.00) for you from my bank.

Finally after that I shall provide you with more details.
if ineterested:

Mr Chao Wei.

Things I Love Thursday, Rainy Day edition

There is nothing I love more than a good rainy day. Having grown up in the lightning capital of the world I find rain as soothing and comforting as a mothers touch or an eclair. (I eat my feelings)

Qualifications for a good rainy day are as follows-

1) It must rain the majority of daylight hours

2) The majority of the rain must be heavy, drizzling all day doesn't count

3) It must be dark enough outside to need your lamps on inside

4) Thunder and lightning must be present

5) Your day should have little to no events planned for maximum enjoyment

Our House

When Jeff and I moved up to Charleston we decided that a one bedroom apartment in a generic apartment complex would be the best bet. We weren't familiar with the area and weren't sure when I would have a job, so one bedroom (read - cheap) was the best bet.

I was nervous because we've always lived in bigger places. Two bedroom, two bathroom...if not two bathroom then a yard and a garage. But it has surprisingly been just fine. We set up our little apartment perfectly, taking advantage of spaces and corners - it has never felt cramped or claustrophobic. There is just one problem - the garbage. Our cramped quarters mean that the living room sits right on top of the kitchen and since out cabinets are so full of plates and pots and other miscellaneous kitchen gadgets (i love kitchen gadgets, fyi) We have no where to hide out garbage can, no inconspicuous crack or corner to slide it into. No, it sits mere inches from our couch, our couch which (along with our coffee table) doubles as our dining room set. It also sits a bunny hop from our computer desk...and it smells. All the time. Sometimes it smells like rotting food, sometimes it smells like ocean water, but most of the time its the generic, overly sweet garbage smell. It has become the bane of my existence. I hate it. And aside from taking the garbage out every 10 minutes and spraying a ridiculous amount of Oust and Febreze at the same time (and sometimes bleach) I really don't know what to do about it.

There is one other thing about my apartment. I can't keep it clean. I can't keep a tiny, one bedroom apartment clean and while currently it's just a nuisance - a minor irritation - what it really does is make me think how ridiculous it will be when we have kids and live in a house. I start thinking about it and I find myself getting mad at my non existent children for the messes they have made in our imaginary house and holy shit am I such a horrible person to want to live in a clean house? It makes me feel better but it doesn't make me feel better to clean EVERY FUCKING DAY.

ok. I just cleaned the kitchen, now on to the bedroom, then bathroom, then living room, then go to work, come home and clean the floors and then clean the kitchen again after dinner.

Aw fuck.

Monday, August 24, 2009

When in Rome...

Scene: Last night at a small, 2nd story, hole in the wall hipster bar where more than one person had an ironic mustache I was bossing around a girl I barely know because it was her 21st birthday.

One such ironically clad mustache man looked just like Will Ferrel. With a mustache. Which meant he looked just like Ron Burgundy. Awesome. But he was also a hipster so it was a fair assumption that he was probably a dick. (It's in the hipster rulebook - dress and act like an ass hole)

So I sent 21st birthday over to him (After making her take many shots including a Flaming Dr. Pepper and making her drink from the tap) and told her she had to say "WILL FERREL!!! CAN I HAVE YOUR PICTURE!!" and not stop until he said yes. Why would I do that? Because maybe I'm a bit of a dick also...and man, I love a good scene. And I got me one.

So he refused and covered his face and birthday girl proceeded to essentially climb on his back and force him into a picture. Then another kid in our group screamed from across the bar "HEY MAN! IF YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE SUCH A SWEET 'STACHE, DON'T BE SELFISH! SHARE IT WITH THE WORLD!"

Before he could finish his sentence Ron Burgundy and his friend were in his face. IN IT. Screaming "WHAT DID YOU SAY TO ME!!" It was so random and extreme that I couldn't figure out if they were joking or not. Jeff and I stood right in the middle of it laughing our ass off.

Ron himself looked pissed. Royally. But his friend was rubbing peoples heads and screaming "MAYBE IF YOU HAD SAID 'SEAN CAN I HAVE A PICTURE' INSTEAD OF CALLING HIM WILL FERREL HE WOULDN'T WANT TO PUNCH YOU IN THE FACE!" And Jeff and I laughed. and laughed. Couldn't breathe laughing. Because Sean Burgundy was still centimeters from throwing bones. And everything Will Ferrel does is funny, even if its a bar fight.

They calm down and take their seats back at the bar. So I call over 21st birthday girl and instruct her to go up to him again and say "Sean...can I buy you a beer for a picture?" (I'm always thinking about those facebook memories...we needed a picture of this guy!) He says no, covers his face and she proceeds to hike up his back again until she finally gives up.

So he gets up, points at me and beckons me over to a corner (I guess he caught on to me being the instigator) and tells me this-

"Listen - normally it wouldn't be such a big deal but right now I'm a wanted felon and I just can't risk having my picture taken. I can't tell you what I did but it wasn't anything violent"
"What did you do?" I asked
"I can't tell you, but it wasn't violent, I swear"
"Oh, ok, then I'll just go ahead and assume the worst."
"'s not like that..."
"The worst! The end!"

and then they left. We never did get that picture but damn it was one of the best things thats ever happened to me in a bar. In retrospect I probably should have told him something about getting the cops off his trail by actually making them think he's Will Ferrel but then I'm sure I'd have a black eye right now.

Thursday, August 20, 2009

Things I Love Thursday being home edition

Wow. Thursdays come so fast. especially when you spend 3 days in a car. Jeff and I had a very quick trip to florida this week and I am so glad to be home. Here is a quick recap - (with awesome visuals, to boot...if you consider the following to be awesome)

1. Leave Charleston Monday night when I get off work, drive 4 hours to Jacksonville, sleep for 3 hours-ish
2. Wake up early and drive to St. Pete to meet with the wedding planner and bang out as much stuff as possible. Productive but damn exhausting.
3. Drive to Tampa to sleep at parents house.
4. Wake up early and drive back to Jacksonville. Shop for Jeff's wedding band, visit with his family.
5. Leave at night and drive back to Charleston to be back by Wednesday night.
Thursday feels good to be home.

Friday, August 14, 2009

Things I Love Thursdays, Friday edition was it Thursday yesterday already? Wowzers. That week went by fast.

1. I love that my job is so sweet and I enjoy it so much I don't count down the days until the weekend...and, um, is totally my Tuesday...

2. Joanna contributed this one - I get to say things like "TGIF!" (but sometimes I can say that if I pronounce thursday as "fursday") and boom! brought it back to Thursdays!

3. This dreamy face comes on TV to countdown the hillarity of the week.

4. Movies come out on Firdays! And today, Bandcamp came out. So? Yeah...I know...who cares? Well I do because you can catch a New Moon sneak peak. Mmm. Jacob. So beautiful, so underage.

5. Happy Hour!!!

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

Maybe the greatest FailBlog of all time...

fail owned pwned pictures
see more Fail Blog

Monday, August 10, 2009

Brokeback by the Bell

Friday, August 7, 2009

Something Asked

Brittany, Megan and I have started a new blog called Something Asked. It's a wedding advice blog. This isn't a place to turn for etiquette or yes and no type questions, that has been done...this is place to turn with specific questions where an honest opinion would come in handy...and maybe some humor.

So if you or someone you love is in the business of getting married, send them our way! For better or for worse, we'll tell them what we think!

Thursday, August 6, 2009

Thing I Love Thursday...Opening Credits eddition

I'm starting a new weekly segment over here - "Things I love Thursday..."

and I'm kicking it off with TV Show Opening Credits that I love. The best show openers subscribe to the "show, don't tell" motto. They perk your ears at the first note, and suck you in for the whole show without giving anything away...but somehow filling you in on everything you need to know. (Also...I know this sucks but I either can't get these to embed or the embedding code has been removed...but definitely check out the links!)

So, without further adu-

5. Mad Men - This sequence is haunting. The music is "psycho" caliber creepy as we watch Don Draper fall, fall, fall, only to land on his cushy couch.

4. Big Love - Gripping and beautiful, this minute and a half of credits is so chalked full of drama that if you're not sucked in I'm just not sure theres any hope for you.

3. Weeds - Oh, the biggest problem with having an opening credit that so perfectly sums up your show is when your show changes, so must your credits...this theme has gone by the way side but it did it's job when it was needed, it did it's job well.

2. True Blood- This sequence deserves to win an award. It's sexy, its dangerous, every scene is a complete contradiction to everything else. Nothing sums up the worst parts about the South better, and nothing will make you wish you were there more.

1. Lost - This intro is so good, I can't even find a clip of it on youtube. What? That doesn't make sense? I know, but whatever. Anyone who watches Lost will tell you, the second that screen goes black and then high pitched metal starts screeching...something amazing is happening...

Sunday, August 2, 2009


I just reached for my Orbitz Bubblemint gum that I chew compulsively. I love it for its "children's tooth paste" flavor. The happy medium of yummyness for the kiddies so they'll put it in their mouths and mintyness for their parents to make an eardrum bursting, breathy scream 2 inches from your face slightly less insulting.

Imagine my surprise when I noticed the fine print under the word "Bubblemint"...artificially flavored! What! This is an unacceptable atrocity. Had I known that they weren't actually using extracts from legitimate bubblemint shrubs, but manufacturing this flavor in a laboratory, I would have never started chewing approximately 8 pieces a day*.

I'll have to check the labels on my Mint Mojito and Sangria Fresca gums, too...those might be artificial as well! It sure would help explain why I never even get a slight buzz when I chew them...

this should be a lesson to all of us. We have to read labels carefully. You think you know something...

*except for that time that Joanna was visiting me and she dared me to put all of the pieces from the 60 piece bigEpak cup in my mouth. And I dared we split it....but we did. We chewed an entire cup of gum.