Slap the baby and make him pee!

I feel like a lot of these post recently have been about my sister, which is bizarre because we live several hours away from each other.

oh well, here comes another!

When we were little we had this book that was very disturbing and frightening, but also completely entrancing. We would stare at the intricate, biz are pictures for hours. Pictures of a little girl checking on her baby sister, only to find a giant ice cube shaped like a baby after her sister had been stolen by goblins, goblins who were going to make the baby their wife, a pile of babies upon babies in a pit, crying and desperately trying to escape with no avail.

I mean, really disturbing stuff.

When I was about 15 or 16 I watched the labyrinth for the first time in probably 10 years and it dawned on me that that creepy book was the same plot at the labyrinth and that brought all of these memories back. The good news was, my sister remembered the book exactly as I had so I knew I wasn't exaggerating as I tend to accidentally do about things in my past (I was amazed when I found out that eating spaghetti on Christmas eve was not one of our family traditions...but I could've sworn...)
The bad news was, our parents and older brother had no idea what we were talking about.

And so it has gone on for five years. Maleah and I wondering about this book, wondering why any parent would let their kid read this book...and today, it was found!

Behold!!

Outside Over There
by Maurice Sendak



pick yourself up a copy.

maleah is the ultimate.

Cheaper than botox, quicker results!

I gave my blog a face lift...which means I just changed the template and it took me approximately 45 seconds.

Just returned from the out-of-state extended-family thanksgiving weekend and I've decided that I will opt out of these from now on. I understand why my brother hasn't gone to the big thanksgivings or Christmases in about 5 years. I love seeing my parents and my sister, and there are one or two other family members I enjoy seeing, but that's out of about 30 people. Hardly seems worth it.
I see these people once a year, at best. I know people that I would barely consider acquaintances that I see more often than that, and yet I'm supposed to have some intimate connection with strangers because we share 1/4 of the same blood? It doesn't happen. It's awkward and forced...but since we're strangers that have known each other for a life time, we all seem to expect something out of everyone else, which is always a disappointment.
I find that when I'm around my family, I'm always hurting peoples feelings and people are always hurting mine. Every body lets every body down. It happens just as much around my extended family, but without the balancing out of joy that you get from being around people you truly care about.

At least I got to be with my sister two weekends in a row! She makes me happier than a...um...I don't know what. Something that's really happy.(even if she is always threatening to punch me)

Oh, OH! The club house in my neighborhood is all decked out in Christmas tacky-ness! You know those inflatable Christmas decorations? There is six of them! On top of random colored lights everywhere! I LOVE IT!

fun for the soul...not so fun for the ears

It looks like I fell off the NaBloPoMo waggon.
I made it half way through, thats something. And I'm back, which is something else.
Any who's it, I was introduced to the coolest thing ever this weekend - Japaneese Kareoke.
If you dont know what it is, its a place that has several private rooms with comftorable seating, tables, and kareoke. (think Lost in Translation) The one I went to in Jax allows you to bring your own food and booze (or you can order from the restraunt next door with the push of a button). They have tons of songs, two microphones and lots of tamberines...which, inevidably, was my favorite part. Plus, the 5 monitors that play the lyrics to the songs have the most bizare, campy background videos playing like a view of the golden gate bridge, followed by hawiian luau dancers, followed by race car driving, followed by farm animals...you get the idea.
All of this, and its only 5 dollars an hour!
So you invite your friends, you get to sing kareoke, you dont have to get embarassed to sing in front of strangers or wait forever for your song to play...it's basically endless, drunken, screaming, tamberine banging fun.
Jeff and I were invited to go by some friends on Friday night and had a blast...then Maleah, my little sister decided to pop into town with some friends so you better bet where I took them on Saturday (yes, yes. I know how nerdy this makes me seem).
And you better bet that they had the best time ever. They never had a better day in their lives. And they never will. Thats it, they've done all they can do on the fun factor.
Thats how great this place is.


big sister -----> <-----little sister

Simple, delicious food

Here is my current favorite meal that Jeff and I make, at least once a week.

I didn't invent this thing, or even put a creative twist on it, I just make it and I love it.

Mozzarella and tomato sandwitch

Get some nice bakery bread, add mozzarella, tomato, pesto and spinich leaves and throw on the george forman until nice and melty.

the end.

...and 1 and 2 and 3 and 4...

I got my ass handed to me in a pilates class tonight.

Normally, this would have been fine, and normally I wouldn't have felt like a total loser that I was having a hard time keeping up...but normally the teacher isn't 8 1/2 months pregnant!

Seriously! And she was doing all of the exercises right along with us.

At least I wasn't the only one. From the looks of things, everyone of us got bitch slapped, pilates style by mrs. third trimester.

And in related news, how do I make my abdomen stop quivering?

there is something wrong with me! yay!

So, they know whats wrong with me and it isn't life threatening! best case scenario all around!

(I know I'm not crazy, and I'm not going to have to go through years of medical visits and doctors prodding at my heart)

So what is it?
Orthostatic Hypotension
and
Mitral Valve Prolapse (benign)

basically, i have a small heart, low blood pressure and my heart pumps too fast when i stand up. (Worsened by dehydration, heat and exertion... ie...working out...)

everyday is more than you think.

quantity over quality?

It is only November 11th, right?

So, why did the mall by my house have their tree lighting ceremony yesterday?

And why has one of the local radio stations already started playing christmas music?

And why has ABC family, who always does "The 25 days of Christmas" programing in December, started "The Countdown to the 25 days of Christmas"? ISN'T THAT WHAT THE 25 DAYS OF CHRISTMAS IS?!? A COUNTDOWN?!

I expect to already see christmas decorations for sale at target, walmart and the likes but seriously, a tree lighting ceremony two weeks before thanksgiving?! Thats just not right.

Don't get me wrong, I love christmas to an above average extent. My neighborhood is having a christmas decorating contest and in my mind, I've already won. Not to mention the fact that from the day after thanksgiving until the day after Christmas I exclusively listen to Christmas music (I even set my alarm clock to it. Can you think of a better way to start your day?) But part of the love of christmas is the build up. First Halloween, then Thanksgiving and then Christmas.
Do you know how badly Thanksgivings feelings have been hurt? I mean, he's the middle child which is hard enough for anybody, but then theres all the other things. No one puts out thanksgiving deorations, or gives thanksgiving presents or thanksgiving candy to children in thanksgiving cotumes. Thanksgiving really has only got two things; family and food. But, Christmas does that, too. Thanksgiving tries to stay calm about the whole situation, trying to think about all the things he greatful for. The wonderful bounty of food that is brought forth, uniting families in laughter and happiness. He even thinks he was put in the middle for a reason - to let everyone take a rest between his older and youner siblings events. Usually, this is enough to keep him from feeling like the blacksheep of the family, but recently, it's been harder and harder to keep this positive attitude, but this year? This year Chritsmas has crossed the line!

Halloween excitment grew for a month. Houses were decorated, parties were thrown. Thanksgiving waited paitinently and now it's his month. Christmas, you're already the prettiest and most adored holiday, so just back off for a few weeks! Your time will come, it always does!
How would you like it if we started sending valentines and dying easter eggs in december?

Didn't think so.

Top 5 TV Shows

Saturdays on my blog will be Top 5 day.

I pick a topic, give you my top 5, and then you can tell me yours, too.

For the first installment lets go with something easy...Top 5 tv shows that you can hardly wait a week to watch again.

Bonus - what returning show has been most disappointing to you this season?

Ok, here goes

Sarah's Top 5 tv shows she can hardly wait a week to watch again

• Heroes - I'm so excited about this whole Adam revelation I can't stand it!
• The Office - thank god pam and jim are together...
• The Soup - I want to be friends with Joel McHale
• Lost - I know that I shouldn't put this one on the list because a) it's so obvious and b) it hasn't started yet
• Scrubs - but this leads me to my bonus question...

I'm so glad this is scrubs last season because between all the babies, the weddings, and the other repeating story line, the once unbelievably witty, funny and compelling show has officially jumped the shark.

What about you guys?

heart of glass

I feel obligated to write a post, but I also have other feelings which include tired, dirty, headachey and generally ick.

So, I'll take this opportunity to tell you about my possible heart problem. (As WebMD has led me to believe)

So,back in June I almost passed out while I was hiking a mountain. I hadn't eaten much and had little water so, duh, thats why...right?

Exactly a week later I went to a strip arobics class with my mom (true story) and the same thing happened again. first nausea, then lightheadedness, a very keen awareness that i'm about to fall down followed by spots and a dulling of sound.
This time, however, I had eaten a healthy lunch and had plenty of water.

I go to the doctor, he does a thousand test but none reveal anything. (Might I just add, though, that every test he did was while I was at a resting heart rate...not much of a threat for me, there)

Needless to say, I've been a bit paranoid about working out too hard ever since then, because I'm afraid I'm gonna pass out on the treadmill and split my head open, but the lack of physical exercise is really starting to take a toll on me.
I signed up for a gym last week and got a complimentary session with a personal trainer. Well, well, well. 25 minutes in and THE SAME THING HAPPENS.

whats the deal?

an appointment with a cardiologist is defenetley in order.

But theres a new development today. I feel like I have a brick sitting on my breast bone.

Thoughts?

a new low

a few days ago i threw away the uneaten halloween candy so i would stop eating it...

...i just dug through a trash can with moldy cheese, coffee filters and old meat to pull out a box of nerds.

Oh my god, oh my god you guys!

I love musicals. In the past few months I've seen 4. Two movie musicals, 2 theater musicals.

Two of the musicals (one movie, one theater) we're amazing. The other two were total shit.

The two awesome ones were Hairspray (the movie, turned musical, turned movie musical!) and Legally Blonde The Musical.

The two that blew so unbelievably bad were Across The Universe and Wedding Singer the Musical.

The thing that kills me is that on paper there is absolutley no logical reason why Legally Blonde The Musical is a Tony Award Winner and Across the Universe, a movie based on Beatles music, makes me want to yell at strangers on the street and poke them with things...peferably hot things...just to piss them off and get them to spread the anger.

But its true.

I can't explain it.
But it's true.

I can't say that I hated wedding singer the musical as much as I hated across the universe. It just wasn't very good. I mean, duh, its a movie based on an Adam Sandler movie who's entire premise is that he sings 80's songs...and they don't sing any of those 80's songs in the musical. But, this is my point. Based on this logic, Legally Blonde should be terrible too.
In Wedding Singer for some reason that is totally lost on me, include billy idol, tina turner, ronald and nancy regean, cindy lauper and a few other 80's icons that i didn't recognize.
For no reason.

Anyways, theres really isn't a point here, just that I love hairspray and legally blonde the musical.

And I wish bad musicals would stop waisting my time...cuz...seriously...you can't stop the beat.

Machoismo at it's finest.

You know how so many gyms are opened up in old, closed down grocery stores?

And you know how everyone who works at Publix are so friendly and helpful?

Well, I got a new gym membership at used-to-be-a-grocery-store gym on Saturday and right from the beginning every single one of the all-male (from what I've gathered) staff is so friendly and helpful...it's as if when they closed the grocery store, they offered all of the stock boys jobs as personal trainers! ("Hooray!" They screamed "we don't even have to empty out our lockers!")

Seriously, I've been in there three times and everyone is always all smiles, welcoming me back, helping me with equipment, keeping me from passing out (thats another story that I'm sure I'll get to when the test results are in). And not in a "Hey lady, you're lookin' fine in with your spandex on and you mascera dripping down your face" sort of way. But in a genuine "this is my job, and I thouroughly enjoy helping people get fit" sort of way.


Or so I thought.



Jeff, my boyfriend, is not a gym going fellow. He is a very serious, very talented runner. He'd much rather run outside in the crisp evening air then in a hot, steamy, used-to-be-a-grocery-store gym. Plus, he has some negative opinions about gyms (or, more importantly, the type of people who work there). However, used-to-be-a-grocery-store gym has many amazing features. One of which is two cardio theater rooms. These are small rooms that have about 10 different cardio machines which you run on in complete darkness...except for the giant theater screen on the front wall. One plays fox news and one plays espn.
Personally, I can't think of two stations I'd want to watch less than fox news and espn, (seriously, I actually flipped through all of the chanels yesterday...twice...to find something I'd hate to watch more, and couldn't) but Jeff, being a guy, loves espn. And as I mentioned above, also loves running.
So I convinced him to come to the gym with me tonight. I got a few "VIP" cards with my membership that let my friends visit the gym for free. Now, I know the heart and soul of these gyms revolve around the fact that they are money hungry...money hungry like the wolf, all they want is your precious membership. But these "VIP" cards have no requirements that you have to want to join the gym before you can try it out for a week. It does say that you have to be 18, have a valid licence, and you're required to take a tour of the gym before working out, but thats it. I read the fine print.

As we walk up to used-to-be-a-grocery-store gym I recognized a guy at the front desk and thought "great, this guy will be nice and Jeff's opinon will instantly change and then he'll fall in love with the cardio theater room and I'll have made a gym partner for life!" I noticed, however, that one of my friendly stock boys was not looking so helpful and nice, but rather suspcious and defensive. For real, he was like a dog who just caught another dog walking on his lawn, he was roughly three seconds away from showing his teeth.

I let him know that my boyfriend would like to used the gym tonight.
Stock boy starts pacing and digging his front paws in the dirt, "10 dollars to work out for a one day pass".
I tell him that I have the VIP pass.
The fur on his back haunches is now sticking straight up, and he's starting to growl. He very hesitiently takes the pass. This is amazing to me, Jeff is not threatening in any way (unless you're threatened by good looks! zing!) and yet this guy was so put off by him being there. Stock boy takes Jeff's ID, stares at it for a minute and looks back up at him.
"So, Jeffrey, ya plannin' on joining this gym?"
Jeff, not being one to lie, replies "no, probably not".

Stock boy starts barking and growling. He's now got a reason to attack.

"I can't let you in. I mean, unless you want to pay 10 dollars or a one day pass. This VIP card is only for people who are seriously considering using the gym".

And seriously, he wouldn't let him in. I tried giving Stock boy some doggie biscuits, tried jingling my keys at him to distract him, I even told him I would take him outside on a walk, even though I had no intention to...just to get him to back down. But he had marked his territory behind the gym counter and he was not gonna let Jeff come in and piss in the cardio theater. (Which he wouldn't have, anyways. Jeff is housebroken).

So we didn't work out, Jeff's opinions of gyms have only strengthened and my happy bubble of excitment that i've joined used-to-be-a-grocery-store gym has already been popped.

The thing that kills me is that if I had brought a girl in to the gym with me and she told Stock Boy that she had no intention of joining the gym, he would have let her workout tonight, anyways.

Maybe he was threatened by Jeffs good looks.

I'm doing this for joanna

I want Joanna to update her blog every day so I can have something to do.
So I told her.
er, demaned it of her.
(I'm saying her, even though I'm pretty sure you're the only one that will read it)
Anyways, now I will write a blog so it's fair. And despite my ability to ramble on and on and on and on and on about whatever...I can't really settle on something clever and witty to write about. Although, if I do start thinking about it then I'm sure this blog will start consuming my thoughts like it did when I was in high school and had a livejournal. Everything I did, heard and said was procssed through my mind by the following set of questions-

Is this interesting enough to write about on live journal? no - stop. yes - continue
If I exagerate this event/thought/idea, will people who read my live journal know? yes - stop. no - continue.
Does this make me appear extrememly pensive? no - stop. yes - continue.
Do I think this will uphold my scene kid image? no - stop. yes - POST AWAY!

But, I'm an adult now...so dont worry, I wont write about how my feelings got hurt because johnny didn't blah blah blah after i blah blah blahed.

and now my blog brain process will probably be more like this-

Is this witty and funny and make me come off as clever? no - stop. yes - POST AWAY!

now I know what you're thinking -

"but sarah, I just read all of that, and it wasn't clever at all."

Shut up.