Potty Training Cat - FAIL!!

Ever since I learned you could potty train a cat I knew as soon as I got a new precious little feline I wouldn't waste anytime introducing her to this convenient (for me, anyway) way of life.

Cats are smart, and more importantly don't like to piss and shit anywhere that isn't where they always piss and shit. Cats are clean and understand that their droppings are not.

The basic steps I was trying to follow, based on my memory or what I had read YEARS ago went like this-

Put a pan on top of the toilet so the cat knows to get on top of the toilet to potty
Once comfortable with that, open the toilet and balance the pan on the toilet seat so the cat came become aware of boundaries with the hole.
Slowly over time begin cutting a hole at the bottom center of the pan, progressively making it larger and larger while at the same time reducing the amount of kitty litter.
Once the hole is as large as the toilet opening, remove the pan and, VOILA!
Potty trained cat.

Ok, so Admiral Pixy Dust, my dear sweet kitten, takes to jumping up on the toilet right away, and once I place it on the open toilet it's like she never knew any better.

But then I got to thinking...if I start cutting holes in the middle of the pan, its just gonna collapse on itself, not to mention the kitty litter that would fall into the toilet.

Plus, every once and a while she would topple over in the box which was always a set back.

So I looked online and found a similar solution but with a bowl.

You place a bowl in the toilet and gradually reduce the amount of kitty litter, mean while, every time you see her potty, influence her feet on to the rim of the toilet until she gets the idea. Then, slowly fill the bowl with water, remove bowl and, VOILA!
Potty trained cat.

This has failed.
Not for a lack of trying. Or ability on Pixies behalf.

It is, and believe me when I say this, impossible to find a bowl that is both the EXACT size of your toilet and sturdy enough to hold a cat. I finally found a bowl that, with the use of handles over the rim, I thought would be fine. And it is fine, as long as she isn't sitting in it. Or scratching in it. Or moving too much. Because if it is then it topsides into the toilet.

Not to mention that I have never EVER caught her in the act of going to the bathroom to help show her how she should be.

So in the past few days she has, understandably, HAD. IT.
She can't take it anymore. She won't get back on the toilet. She's done. She's taking to peeing in beds, both human and dog, and pooping in the corner right next to the toilet.

So, this morning I decided that I hadn't given up but we had to start over. I thought going pack to the last successful point and reevaluating would be a good idea. So I put her pan with litter back on top of the toilet.

20 minutes ago, the thing capsized completely upside down.

I just ordered this.

By the way, all of this is 97.2% because of how amazingly lazy I am.

the other 2.8% is because of how unbelievably foul the things that come out of her butt are.