Sunday, November 23, 2008

About three things I was absolutley positive:

First: Twilight was one of the worst movies I have ever seen
Second: Some part of me, and I don't know how dominant that part might be, wants to see it for a third, possibly fourth time.
and Third, I am unconditionally and irrevocably in love with Twilight.

Since I've gotten started with lists, I'm going to give you my top five giggle like a little girl moments because its was so cute moments of the movie, and then my top five scoff like a judgmental 23 year old watching a really awful movie moments. And then, no more talk about twilight.

Top 5 best moments:
5. Charlie. Way to pull through and be the only decent actor in the movie, and to be pretty interesting to watch. I wanted more of you, and your 'stach. Especially considering how much your character sucks in the book.
4. After Bella realizes what Edward is, she walks past him at school into the abyss and he obediently follows. No words necessary.
3. Edward and Bella arrive at school together for the first time, everyone stares, so he puts his arm around her and says "I'm going to hell anyway"
2. Edward saves Bella from a group of sadistic frat boys and asks he to say something to distract her "You should put your seat belt on. What?! You should put your seat belt on!"
1. The first kiss "I've always wanted to try one thing - don't move."

Top 5 worst moments:
5. Pretty much the entire movie
4. Bella digging up a tiny cactus and planting it before she leaves Arizona. Getting on a plane, flying to forks, getting into her dads car, getting to her house, and she is still holding the cactus. First scene of the movie - first true indication that it was gonna be worse then I expected.
3. Any scene with Alice. I imagine that casting went something like this "Hey! Lets cast a robot as everyones hands down favorite character and then, when we find out what terrible actors robots are, lets cut all of her scenes!"
2. Edwards face as he sucks the venom out of Bella's arm.
1. Kristen Stewarts "acting" which includes all of the following and nothing more: head shakings/convulsions, rapid fire eyelash fluttering, only looking down at the ground, deep exhales after every three words.

Honorable mentions are awarded to the writers who decided to leave out all of the vampire origin stories which I was really looking forward to seeing on film, who left out Jaspers power which I was really interested to see how they would adapt to film, and Billy Black threatening Bella for being with Edward. In lieu of these interesting scenes they opted for 2 straight hours of deep exhales from Kristen Stewart.

Also, the guy who plays Jasper and that constipated face he makes through the entire movie.

Ok, no more talk of Twilight, promise! (these are in backwards chronological order, blogger wont let me fix it)
drinks before the movie the second night (possibly why i liked it a little more the 2nd time around)

No James! Don't!

Yes, frozen drinks outside on the beach in the windy cold was a terrible, terrible, idea.

bringing uno to wait in line on the first night was a really stellar idea.

notice the inappropriate black Christmas tree. (inappropriate because it isn't even thanksgiving yet!)


bittersweetheart said...

So glad my favorite blogger has put all of my horror-struck thoughts to writing. I attempted, but was just too shell-shocked at the awfulness to write anything good.

bittersweetheart said...


Hilarious lost script based on the pics that got us hyped in the first place.

bittersweetheart said...

In response to your post on my blog...yeah Catherine Can't-Direct-for-shit-wicke needs to be fired and since New Moon was my least favorite of all the books, if she directs that movie also, I'll be waiting to rent the movie.

Getting drunk and watching Twilight will be fun when it's on DVD and we can play drinking games that drink on long heavy breaths and the number of times the camera hits a person that has a "Oh my god I think I'm constipated.." look on their face.

Anonymous said...

Oh my God, I cried a little I laughed so hard. I agree completely with everything you said and I still watched the movie illegally twice more. Do I hate myself? Why did I go through it again and again?
-Shannon B

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