Sunday, February 3, 2008

This must be where I get it from...

I have a nutty grandma. She does the weirdest shit. For instance, during Christmas of 06 she brought us all into her living room to show us this white teddy bear with angel wings and a violin, that, when turned on, played silent night while the wings changed colors.

"Do you like it?" she asked my mom "Because I bought it for you, but I'm gonna keep it here."

She also makes up stories about strangers. When I was about 10 years old, she was visiting us in Florida and while we were driving over a bridge by the beach, she pointed at a man fishing and said, very mater-of-factly "That man is fishing because he recently lost his job and barely has enough money to pay his bills, plus, he has 8 kids which is a lot of kids, and he has to feed them. And he's not a very good hunter."


So when I was at my parents house last weekend I saw these things lying around. They're called yoga toes and they go on your toes sort of like the separators you wear when you're getting a pedicure. Except they're stronger. And they're supposed to make your feet feel nice, or something. I knew my mom had bought these for my grandma so I assumed that she had bought a pair for herself, but no. Grandma didn't want the yoga toes, she gave them back to my mom. Why wouldn't she want them, you might be wondering? This was my moms response:
"Your grandmother says she doesn't have bones in her toes."

What. The. Fuck.

There are so many things wrong with this sentence. How do you walk if you don’t have bones in your toes? if you don’t have the bones in your toes, does that imply that you do have the skin that goes around the toes so they just flop around like empty gloves? How did I never know this? And what do you mean "your grandmother says"? Does that mean its not true?

"Look, I had reached a point in my life a long time ago where I just don't question all the weird shit she says. If she says she doesn't have bones in her toes, fine."

But this was not fine. I had to know. So I called her up.

"Grandma, I hear you don't have bones in your toes. What is this nonsense?"
In which she replied, very matter-of-factly, "Oh yeah, they took the bones in my toes out on my right foot. I've got a screw going through the side of my foot and there’s some other things in there, too. I couldn't walk for a few days but I can now."


3 generations of crazy.


Joanna said... caption. ever.