Saturday, February 9, 2008

How to Make Croissants; a story in pictures

To make croissants, first you must put it in your head that despite the fact that you have never made any type of bread before, you will execute this 16 hour task and make the greatest croissants ever known to man.
While it's not necessary, an inflated sense of self really comes in handy.

To begin, you will need the following items:

Despite the fact that the recipe calls for mixing the ingredients with a standing mixer using the dough hook attachment, use a hand mixer with beaters because...well...that’s what you own.

When ingredients have turned into dough, lightly dust dough with flour, pick it up and pack it into a nice firm ball and transfer it into a bowl where it will rise and double in size after about two hours.

Despite the fact that your concoction is less of a dough and more of a batter, transfer it into a bowl and let sit for two hours where it will do absolutely nothing. (Don't forget to dust with flour)

Drop that mixture down the drain. Call a real adult. Ask to borrow their stand up mixer. Start again.

Watch cluelesly as the ingredients stay batter like despite using the dough hook.

Think to yourself, "well, it certainly isn't getting any worse", and add more ingredients at will. Remember, baking isn't so much a science as it is an art form. Also remember, keep adding more flour. Then more yeast. Then more milk, and so on and so on.

Drop that mixture down the drain as well.

Mull over what a miserable failure you are for a few days before having the realization that perhaps it was the fact that you used skim milk.
Start again.
Watch for the third time as the ingredients spin round and round to form an ooey gooey sticky least-dough-like liquid esque mixture you've ever seen.
Drop that mixture down the drain, too.
This last step is extremely important and if not executed correctly could ruin the entire ordeal:
Bake oatmeal-banana chocolate chip cookie instead.


Vanessa said...

Heading straight for the oatmeal cookies. Thanks for saving me several steps!