Saturday, May 24, 2008

the look, the feel of cotton...

I'm not a big fan of underwear. I only wear any about 50% of the time. (this is a huuugggeee improvement from a few years back when I wore underwear 0% of the time). The only place that I always consistently wear any is to the gym. If I'm wearing shorts I don't want to give the unintentional crotch shot, and ya know, it helps absorb the ass sweat.

A few weeks ago I bought these amazing workout pants from target. They're 3/4 length and made of the softest cotton ever known to man. They have a really wide waist band that only have a drawstring, no elastic, so I can rest them ever so comfortably on my hips without the feeling that the elastic is ever so slowing sawing it's way into my ovaries.

On Wednesday I was getting dressed to go to the gym and saw these amazing pants, sitting ever so patiently in the drawer.
"Are you going to wear me today, Sarah?" the pants said to me
"Why yes, Mister pants, I believe I will. Let me just first find some underwear..."
"Oh please don't!" Mister Pants interrupted "I love you so much and I don't want anything to come between me and you. You would be so comfortable without any pesky underwear".
"Well, alright. Just this one time". And off to the gym we went.

Jump ahead 20 minutes to me on the stair master. Step after step after step until...oh...oh no. Oh crap. My pants had fallen down. The only thing keeping them from dropping to my ankles was the fact that one of my legs was bent in a stair stepping motion, thus keeping them from falling entirely. Apparently though, the lack of elastic, the loosely tied drawstring, and the already low sit, mixed with the lack of friction that underwear would have provided meant they came off easier than Tila Tequila's clothes.
I pulled them up quickly, ran to the bathroom to fix the drawstring and then went back to the main room. No one was looking at me, or laughing, or pointing, or telling some random stranger what had just happened (which may or may not have been what I would have done had I witnessed someones bare ass on the stair master) so, I don't think any one actually noticed.

It took about six years but the underwear gods have finally proved their point.


JQ said...

Oh em gee I just laughed so hard at that story. That is PHENOMENAL. It's even worse than the time I dropped my ipod and almost fell off the stairmaster.

Oh, speaking of you never wearing underwear, remember that time sophomore year of college when you were wearing jeans and felt something on your leg and it turned out to be underwear that had been in the dryer with your jeans? I'm very proud of you, Howlie (Now wears under)Pants. You've come a long way, baby.

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bittersweetheart said...

It's funny you posted that on the one and only day I'm forced to not wear underwear with a dress that would have any underwear show through. And It was a wedding I was wearing (or not wearing) them to....and I definitely fell on my ass twice while dancing and might've wished I'd worn underwear....