Wednesday, April 2, 2008

Analyze this.

I had the weirdest dream last night.

First off, I was in "Malibu", but you know how things are in your dreams. You know what place its supposed to be but it isn't actually. Anyways, so I loved this place, I was telling everyone how I wanted to move to Malibu because it was so fantastic, but then something not so fantastic happened...a tomato bounced up to me. And then tried to bite me.

Of course because its my dream I instantly knew what had evil master cat was turning every cat in the entire world into killer tomatoes! And honestly, I think some random people that I know were also getting turned into killer tomatoes, but the main population was cats.

But see, no one would help me or had any problem with this at all. I'm panicking trying to leave Malibu by bike (?!) but the people I came with (on the same bike) (?!) won't leave because they're having such a blast despite the fact that there are killer tomatoes. Because the truth of the matter was, they were still the size of normal tomatoes just with a vicious appetite for death, so, they were easy to not get killed by them but DOESN'T ANY ONE ELSE SEE THAT THIS NEEDS TO STOP???

So first I find the master cat and discover that there is actually two. A gigantic white cat and a gigantic black cat, so I put them on top of each other and sit on them, sort of trying to kill them but really not being able to bring myself to kill cats...even ones that are turning every other cat into killer tomatoes. So I lock them in a bathroom but it doesn't matter, the damage is done. The killer tomatoes are turning more and more cats. Like vampires, really.

Then I meet a man who has come up with a way to jet ski off of a ramp and hold up a net and try to catch as many killer tomatoes as possible. So now the only guy who also has a problem with the little killer veggie/fruit felines is a total idiot. There are so many things wrong with this hair brained solution.

But as I'm giving this guy a chance my family shows up to try to talk me out of stopping the killer tomatoes. WTF?! At this point, people are having to lock themselves indoors because there are so many tomatoes chomping away at your ankles that they pile about 3 feet high. But just so we're clear here, death toll is still zero. These killer tomatoes are really awful at their life mission. And also, people still don't want to stop them.

So I'm locked in this room with a bunch of people and I tell them all I'm going to call my parents but I get up and call animal control because apparently they were completely unaware of the problem.

And then, they fixed it.

So, I go out side with Jeff and my next door neighbor, Jodi, and we're going to get in a giant ass pickup truck that I've never driven in my life, but both Jeff and Jodi get in the back seat so I say "Oh, I'll drive, ok!" I jump into the passengers seat and am so high up I can't reach down to close the doors. That's when Whoopi Goldberg jumps out from behind the bed of the truck, scares the shit out of me and closes the doors. So now we're off. I'm having a really hard time driving this massive thing, but mainly because it doesn't have gas pedals, but bike pedals and this is a huge ass truck.

That's when Party Like a Rock Star starts playing on the radio and I start "driving" up the steepest steep that people aren't making it to the top, they're actually sliding back down before they get to the top and I'm trying to pedal a pick up truck up it? But I made it to the top and then I woke up.

I was awake for an hour before it dawned on me how fucked up this dream was.


Joanna said...

Let me guess - in your next dream, you're going to turn into butter.

Please refer to my blog re: your post/text to me.