23

My birthdays suck. I can tell you a story about every one of my birthdays starting when I was 3 and my mom forgot to bring me to my own birthday party up until the crescendo at age 20 when my parents and brother and sister went on a family vacation and didn't even bother to tell me about it, let alone invite me and then the guy I thought I was dating through a "Fuck You Sarah" Party...all on my birthday. Also, see this story.

Seriously, I can make people cry by the end.

Birthday 21 was awesome. birthday 22 wasn't great, but it wasn't terrible, but they both still were extremely anxiety laced. How, I flooded my mind, will karma rear its ugly head and make this years birthday worse than last? So no matter how hard I tried to convince myself that it was just another stupid day that if I ignore will go away quickly, my birthdays have been, for a very long time, emotionally wrenching.

Until today.

I went to bed last night, exhausted from my first week of school and at peace, hardly even thinking about my birthday.

I woke up this morning with no expectations, no fears that I would be let down. I just was.

Sure, I don't really have that "I'm so excited it's my birthday! Yay! Yay! Why can't the waitress notice that it's my birthday and ask me about it?!?! Yay! Birthday!" feeling, but that's a good thing. It's part of why I'm not anxious or having a bad day...I have finally let go of my birthday. For good and bad. It feels like nothing and for that I am grateful.