Sunday, June 22, 2008


My birthdays suck. I can tell you a story about every one of my birthdays starting when I was 3 and my mom forgot to bring me to my own birthday party up until the crescendo at age 20 when my parents and brother and sister went on a family vacation and didn't even bother to tell me about it, let alone invite me and then the guy I thought I was dating through a "Fuck You Sarah" Party...all on my birthday. Also, see this story.

Seriously, I can make people cry by the end.

Birthday 21 was awesome. birthday 22 wasn't great, but it wasn't terrible, but they both still were extremely anxiety laced. How, I flooded my mind, will karma rear its ugly head and make this years birthday worse than last? So no matter how hard I tried to convince myself that it was just another stupid day that if I ignore will go away quickly, my birthdays have been, for a very long time, emotionally wrenching.

Until today.

I went to bed last night, exhausted from my first week of school and at peace, hardly even thinking about my birthday.

I woke up this morning with no expectations, no fears that I would be let down. I just was.

Sure, I don't really have that "I'm so excited it's my birthday! Yay! Yay! Why can't the waitress notice that it's my birthday and ask me about it?!?! Yay! Birthday!" feeling, but that's a good thing. It's part of why I'm not anxious or having a bad day...I have finally let go of my birthday. For good and bad. It feels like nothing and for that I am grateful.


Vanessa said...

I think birthdays should be special and your family has seriously dropped the ball. Happy Birthday from me in Blogland.

Beth said...

I feel your pain. My birthday is three days after Christmas.

If my parents even remember my birthday, I always "received my gift with my Christmas presents".

Liars. All of them.

Queen Lindstifa said...

I'm so sorry you're channeling Molly Ringwald. There is nothing worse! I've ignored most of my bdays until 30. I threw myself a big-ass party (for the 2nd anniversary of my 29th birthday) in Chicago and was thrilled when people flew in from both coasts. The drinks flowed and there may have been a rugby team involved. The moral? Get drunk and bring people down with you.