What it sounds like to have motivational speakers as friends-

"When was the last time you did something you're really proud of? Wait, I've got an answer to this otherwise rhetorical question. The last time you challenged yourself."

-my friend Will, in an other wise totally normal conversation

You all everybody

A conversation:

"Oh my god, Jeff! Look at this new shirt on Busted Tees! I'm about to cross the line of "Lost fan" to "Total Lost Geek" because I am so gonna buy it!"
"I don't get it"
"It says Drive Shaft, that's the name of Charlie's band"
"Which one is Charlie?"
"The one with the band? Called Drive Shaft?"
Blank stares
"Are you kidding me? Charlie, the guy from Lord of The Rings, the only rock star on the entire show"
"Sarah, everyone has names"
"what?"
"I'm just saying, that doesn't help. They all have names on that show."

Terms of Enderment

A lot of us have certain words and phrases that we only use in front of certain people, be it your significant other, your best friend or your parents. They're usually inside jokes and they wouldn't go over well in mixed company. For instance, I often find myself trying not to refer to Jeff as Sweetums in front of other people, or, weirder yet, I often find myself trying not to call other people Sweetums.

So last night, our friends Jason and Kyzandrha invited us over for some beers and Indiana Jones. Now, Jason is one of those people who has a thousand gadgets and electronics, so when the movie wouldn't play we were all giving him a really hard time about it. So, while he was fidgeting with the remote, trying to make something happen, he says "Hey Kyzandrha, go and eject-ulate that for me".

The room became silent for .7 seconds before every person burst into hysterics. It became obvious that this is something they say to each other, as a joke between husband and wife, but Jason went and revealed it to the world, and now I have a new favorite word.

I'm baaacccckkk!

I know I haven't written in this baby for a long time, but I only know of two people who actually read it, and one of them just had an amazing revelation about my feelings towards her.


"joanna: he kept saying shit in a british accent, but a terrible one
joanna: and i thought of you, because i wanted to punch him in the face
joanna: and i realized what he was doing was exactly something id do to you"

When I first read this conversation, I thought she had said "I realized what he was doing was exactly something you'd do to me", and I thought that was brilliant. But even with the dyslexia feature turned off, its still fantastic because it proves a point, Joanna and I derive an unnatural amount of pleasure from pissing each other off.


One of my most treasured moments in my life was riding in Joanna's car as we drove back to college after spending Easter weekend with our families. Joanna's had received a bag of jelly bellies for Easter, one of those big bags that are about 45% delicious and 55% want to vomit flavors. So, I made up a game where I told Joanna I was going to create delicious combinations of jelly bellies and feed them to her while she drove. (Yes, I physically placed the jelly bellies in her mouth. We actually do this often and preface said feedings with statements such as "if you eat this gummy worm, then when i die you'll have me cremated and swim in my ashes") (Did I mention we're the creepiest people alive?) But every single jelly belly combination I put in her mouth was disgusting. I'm talking "licorice-strawberry jam-pina colada" and "buttered popcorn-dr. pepper-pink grapefruit" combinations. Most of them were so bad that after she chewed them for a minute, she would spit them out of the window. But that was the thing. She would always think that this time, this next time, things were going to taste good. Sure, I said before each installment "this one is going to be so delicious" but after 3 or 4 times, wouldn't you stop believing me? Anyways, she never did and we laughed - stomach hurting howls - for about 2 hours straight. Because we truly derive an unnatural amount of pleasure from pissing each other off.